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Hate Homeschoolers Properly

In the genre of anti-home education rants there are certain points that must be followed, a formula that should always be used. Jack read his copy of the anti-home education guidebook, probably several times. I think that’s why he did such a spot on job of taking each and every one of the rules and applying them so well.

I thought as a public service I would share the 5 rules you have to follow to write a rant as powerful and defined as Jack’s is. I have seen so many people try to discredit home education but fall short every time of really publishing the kind of rant that has most of us falling out of our chairs in fits of laughter. This is for those who have the desire but are uncertain of just what to say.

  • First and foremost, Stereotypes are your Friend.
    Love them, care for them, and stick by them unconditionally. If the current stereotype is that all home educating families are from Mars and wear green polka dot jumpsuits then you better make sure you make that point in your rant. Often. A quick glimpse online will let you know how you should wrap all home educating families. Currently we’re all anti-diversity, anti-science, bible beaters. Remember, the common stereotypes change often depending on who has a headline to sell so check often.
  • Research, forget about it!
    That’s the kind of crazy, anti-patriotic thing that home educators would do. You don’t need sources, facts, figures, or data of any kind to prove your claims. Name calling and tugging on the emotional responses of others is more than enough. If you can get readers tingling in fear of what those home educators might be doing you’ve already won half the war. Just imagine they’re home, alone, with their children, on purpose. Clearly something foul is going on.
  • Find someone who agrees with you and is willing to say so.
    Be sure that this one person is a teacher, professor, guidance counselor, or works in education in some way. Work for a quote that explains how they meet home educated students every day and they are all dumb as rocks and/or socially inept. Be sure to ignore any data that shows how intelligent and socially normal home educated students are. Also ignore any data, or personal experience, that would show that not every single public schooled child is bright, happy, and well adjusted. Remember research is for the home educators, you don’t want to align yourself with them by fact checking.
  • Demand reporting, testing, and some sort of qualifications for all home educating families.
    All children belong to the state and as such parents are required to keep the children left in their care at the standards that the government dictates. An extra boost comes if you also threaten that students not living up to the standards should be removed from their “families” and returned to their real homes, the public schools. As always, ignore any data that indicates that these same standards and qualifications are not working so well in the schools or the data showing lenient states are fairing no worse than strict states. It’s not really about the education of the children, but showing those pesky parents who is really in charge of their kids.
  • Last, but certainly not least, blame the parents.
    No matter how bad the school is, no matter what did or did not happen, no matter how the system may be failing the fault is always on the parents. Teachers stretched too far? Should have sold more brownies for the PTA. No money for the classrooms? Should have donated your paychecks. Bullies? Why didn’t you quit your job to monitor the hallways? Was your child passed on to the next grade without actually knowing the material? Well you’re the parent, why didn’t you teach Billy to read? Oh, wait!

You see, with this simple 5 step formula anyone can put together a rant on the dangers of home education that would brings tears to the eye. If nothing else tears of laughter after Doc tears it apart piece by piece. With research and facts even. Oh will those diabolical home educating families never stop!

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