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Time4Learning Demos

Homeschooling For Goofballs

Tired of questions/comments about why you’re distinctly NOT starting school this week?

Yearn to relate to the kids down the road? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Count to ten in garbled Pig Latin.
  • Wax poetic.
  • Wax the floor and then slip around in your socks.
  • Dangle a participle or two.
  • See how many sentences you can end with a preposition.
  • Go on a quest for that ever-elusive socialization (hints: wear clothes, don’t drool, if possible avoid barking and licking people, DON’t bring a purple crayon.)
  • Sit in a row, stand in a line, pee with permission – just to see how the other side lives.
  • Drizzle glue on a mustache-shaped anything; stick under nose or above lip, whichever is most convenient; do a wee dance.
  • Procrastinate with gusto.
  • When speaking insert the word “like” every third or forth word.
  • Speak very slowly and make every phrase you utter sound like a question?
  • Insist on coloring within the lines until you fall off your chair/fall off to sleep/go into a coma.
  • Fry eggs in a purple tutu. Eat them very very fast so you don’t miss imaginary bus.
  • Bleat like a sheep (if you are a vegetarian bleat like a nice, conformist broccoli.)
  • Glance furtively at grandma until she casts you a withering look.
  • Call your Aunt Mildred.
  • Roll yourself into a ball and suck your toes with your baby brother/sister.
  • Twirl your nose ring to see if it improves your eyesight.
  • Make your own dress code; revise it daily; feel the magic.
  • Stitch things together then rip apart as a character building exercise (perhaps complete this task before attempting quest for socialization.)
  • Read a book you don’t like. Read another. And another. Be happy about it.
  • Say ketchup over and over again until you feel dizzy.
  • Drool pretty-colored spittle down your chin after eating water ice at a non-designated time.
  • Rhyme things with sheep (or lamb if you’re squeamish.)
  • Suck cream out of donuts in local Wawa; put them back when someone’s looking. (perhaps avoid this pastime if you are contemplating above-suggested quest for socialization.)
  • Stare down your cat.
  • Start a yipping contest with your dog.
  • Worry about disgruntled giraffe but only on Tuesdays at 10am.
  • Avoid speaking to anyone outside your age group between 7am and 4pm unless it’s a designated adult.
  • Draw faces on the undersides of your toes. Soak feet in jello. Try to make sense of it all.
  • When you feel the urge to say something, wave your hand in the air and squeak and/our bounce until someone says your name.
  • Compare apples to oranges.
  • Squish your sandwich to get that organic lunch-traveled-to-school-via-book-filled-backpack experience. (PB&J works best.)
  • Practice cool-sounding karate noises.
  • Yodel in desperately mismatched socks.
  • Sweep marbles and hairballs around the kitchen floor.
  • Stifle feelings of utility without yawning, crossing your eyes or shaking your head.
  • Catch bugs on tongue and chew thoughtfully (see bleating exercise above for vegetarian suggestion.*)
  • Crinkle your nose at warp speed.
  • Cultivate a lifelong interest in wienerschnitzle.
  • Visualize Engelbert Humperdinck.
  • Read A Fiddler’s Foot and Other Folktales.
  • Whistle Dixie with a kazoo.
  • Don’t laugh, giggle, squirm, sing, gloat, simmer, bubble or boil unless someone insists.
  • Remember to set time limit for every activity. When time is up STOP and leave task hanging in midair like a long-forgotten fart.*you may substitute an obliging cruciferous vegetable of choice.There, that should keep you busy for a while. Next issue – homework.

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